Blog Saya

ohh dear..it’s been quite a while since my last post…ohh dear..i’m exhausted..drained..this exam is killing me…i wonder why did i choose to do medicine and torture myself like this…i could have spent the time doing other things..go shopping..go back home..be with my family..spend the whole day by the beach..bla..bla
but the reality is..i have to go thru this freaking stressful exam..

i’ve never worked so hard like this in my whole life..like spending days practicing osce..do all the past year papers…practicing and practicing…the study break symptoms were horrible..to name some..insomnia, irritable bowel syndrome, psychosis, depression, and i think we had vitamin D deficiency as well since we hardly got out of the house through out the whole study break…ya allah…my only wish now is..please…let me through..oh dear..the thot of repeating the year again is scary and dreadful..i don’t even want to think of it..sigh…

i’ve done my best…ya allah, please let me succeed…that’s the only thing that i can ask for…

what am i doing? writing a suicide note..derr…mind you that this is one of the symptoms of my pre-exam syndrome…so don’t take it seriously…
i still can’t believe that the exam is coming in 2 months..shocking..
how fast time goes by..i haven’t started any serious studies yet…and that scares me to death..and that made me feel like i’m committing suicide(by not studying)…and i didn’t notice how time flies that i don’t even remember or notice any achievement this year…

probably i have wasted so much time doing things that i was not supposed to do and basically i can declare 2007 as the most non-productive year in my whole life..but if i make through the exam this year..that will be the greatest achievement in my whole life..hmmm…weird…but i will always remember the happiness, the laughters, the disappointment and the tears that had been shed…

this year has been so strange for me…probably at this age and being at the stage of almost finishing my studies have made me somewhat eager to move on to another phase of my life..just imagine this..i’ve been studying for 7 years after high school…doesn’t that sound yucky??

i feel like earning my own cash, having my own house, buying my own car, decorating my own room, running my own household,feeding my own pet(and my own family of course)…although all these come with huge responsibilities, i think i’m up for it…

and it’s so amazing how we change over time…the way we perceive things and the way we react to a stimulus and even the things we want…they are so different now..
so the saying ‘a year older means a year wiser’ is probably true..

what am i doing still..i should be opening my book and study…yup..that’s what i should be doing..cos regardless of me whining and whinging, time moves on and it’s me who’s left behind…therefore i should end my note here..

p/s: bourne ultimatum is great!! jason bourne is macho..

Dear flower,

Please make me happy,

For I’m feeling sad and down,

Delight me with your beauty,

And take away my frown..

Dear sun,

Please make me smile,

For I’ve been crying alone,

Shine me with your light,

And make all my sadness gone..

Dear wind,

Please send my love,

To my loved ones far far away,

Tell them that I love them,

More than words can say..

Dear birds,

Please sing me a song,

With a tune that pleases me,

For I’ve been waiting for so long,

For someone to wash away my tears..

Dear God,

Please make me strong,

Strengthen my spirit with hope,

As there are no others but You,

That can make me feel safe,

And no matter what happens,

Your love is undoubtedly true..

Sadness and disappointment are really hurting. Me,being an emotional girl is easily distracted by my feelings. My emotions can take over my mind sometimes. I know it’s not right to feel that way but i don’t think it’s totally wrong either. For me,feeling sad and down is part and parcel of being a human being. It’s like eating hot and spicy mamak curry…the hotter it is,the more you cry,the more you get the taste..:-)

Just remember that everything happens for a reason. No matter what,just pray to Allah that it is the best for us..:-)

Hmmm…how do i start..well,the title ‘my first baby’ sounds dodgy eh…:-p..

anyway…it’s not ‘MY BABY’ actually…it’s the first baby i delivered during my Obs n Gynae rotation…it was my first day in labour ward and i did not expect at all that i was gonna deliver the baby..i thot that i was just gonna assist the midwife or the obstetrician…but it was really an unforgettable experience,i tell u..

How to describe the feeling..hmm…let me think…i felt excited..proud..happy..satisfied…that i actually brought a difference by helping another human being into this world…yeah…i’m so excited when i imagine that i can see this baby grows up and i can actually tell her this..’i helped to deliver you,you know..:-D’…hihihi

But that’s not all…being in this rotation has made me see how traumatising this whole process is…not just the labour itself…but going through the process of getting pregnant, being pregnant for 40 weeks, and the labour…and it’s not just physical trauma that we’re talking about here…pregnancy and labour affect the woman’s psychology and her social life as well..the moment the ovum is united with the sperm,her life will never be the same anymore….hold on..what am i trying to say here??hmmm…let me put this right…looking at the whole process made me feel grateful to Allah that has allowed me to be born and how grateful i am for the love of my mother who brought me into this world…nobody in this world wants to have pain in their life, and just imagine how bold and brave these women are when they know that the pain is far beyond than anyone can imagine….thus i salute those women out there who jeopardise their life to give another soul a chance to live his life..and we..as children…should never forget the woman who gave us this chance to live our lives..love them..appreciate them..cherish them whenever you still have the chance to do so…

It’s not hard to do that…just 3 words will do…yes…I LOVE YOU…tell them today coz when the time comes that you won’t be able to say anymore,even 3 million words mean nothing….

    i went to watch this new bollywood film called ‘GURU’..fortunately we were able to catch the show on the last day..i didn’t have any expectation when i entered the cinema as my only intention was to see how good my new darling abhishek bachchan’s acting was. So..me and preveena entered the cinema and guess what..we were the only audiences in there.

    The movie..i must say..was definitely different from other bollywood movies. It was the first time i’ve ever watched mani ratnam’s movie and it was great!! the script was well written, the music was good and the most striking thing was the cinematography,it was excellent. Abhishek’s performance was awesome and his acting now has improved very very very very very much compared to the time when he first started acting. It was really impressive. Aishwarya Rai’s acting was no doubt natural and they really had chemistry between them.

    What i like about the movie is that it has the combination of all elements, perseverence to succeed, loyalty, love, romance, family and friendship. I find that it’s not easy to tangle all these in a movie and mani ratnam had beautifully done it. I would recommend this movie to everyone..it’s really different,trust me.;-)

    Sometimes i wonder, why do things happen? i just don’t understand why must certain things happen to me and not to other people. And i just feel like it is so heavy and it is such a burden for me to handle. I know that there are always reasons for everything that happened but it is really disappointing and upsetting. I’ve tried so many things to put my mind at ease,like expressing my problems to friends and other people, but what can other people do but to show sympathy and say.."be patient". It is easy to say than done.
    Hmm..whatever it is..the purpose of me writing this page today is to remind myself that i should not let things that happened to me to bring me down. Other people had experienced things which are much worse than i had (probably..:-p)..so i’m not all alone. Everything that happens to us is from Allah and if we seek help from Him insyaAllah He will put our mind at ease. But we should not take this for granted,(as in..what else can i do..it’s God’s will)..take it as a lesson and make sure not to repeat the same mistake again.

Therefore,I hereby,make a promise to myself that I shall not repeat this mistake again and I shall make the best out of everything that I do in life. Life is too short for us to think too much of things that had passed. The truth is reality bites and what has passed has passed so the only wise thing to do is to look forward and move on. So,my fellow friends….what say you?

hmm..hmm..

c’est tout pour cette fois…je vais continuer apres..:-)

yup….what a relief..finally the results for the final exam were out…
alhamdulillah..i passed…happy??hmmm..i am..it’s just that since i had to wait for so long for the results to come out, the impact was not there anymore…
but..of course i am happy after all those hardwork and effort…
the lesson is.DO NOT PROCRASTINATE..always start early…but u know what,i’ve been saying this since i don’t know when…probably since UPSR…hahhaha…
well..that’s human nature i guess…but i’ll try my best to change next year…FIFTH YEAR EXAM…it sounds SOOOOOOOOO SCARY…maybe not for other people..but it does for me…yup…come on baya…work from now…then you’ll get what you deserve….and of course,MOST IMPORTANTLY, DO’A and Allah’s blessings…ALHAMDULILLAH…..

hmmm…i finally went through my psychiatric viva yesterday (friday,0ct 27)… alhamdulillah…the topic i had was the one that i had really revised…really grateful to allah…
so..the case was about a 25 year old lady with first episode of manic-psychosis..it was fairly easy i would say as psychosis was what we saw everyday in the ward…alhamdulillah again…

doa’ plays an important role in our lives…i’ve experienced so many times,especially during exams, sometimes there were questions that i knew that i couldn’t do but somehow during exam, the inspiration just came and i could actually answer it…

i would like to take this opportunity to remind myself and my dear frens…do not forget our ‘doa’…
if allah is always with us..insyaallah…we’ll get through all the turmoils in no matter what situations we’re in…

Bismillahirrahmaanirrahiim..

‘Apabila telah datang pertolongan  Allah dan kemenangan, dan kamu  melihat manusia masuk agama Islam dengan  berbondong-bondong, Maka bertasbihlah dengan memuji  Tuhanmu dan mohon ampunlah kepadaNya. Sesungguhnya Dia adalah Maha Penerima Taubat’..

Surah An-Nasr Ayat 1-3..

Let’s think of this surah..Allah will give helps to the believers..and we are the believers..insyaallah…

today i managed to go and watch the departed..it’s the movie that i’ve always wanted to watch as it is the remake of my favourite Hong Kong movie,the infernal affair…another factor that made attracted to watch it was because of leonardo dicaprio..my favourite actor..anyway..well..i can’t really comment on it as i tend to compare the movie to the chinese version.. somehow, there were some changes in the story line but overall it was actually a remake…

i found that the chinese version (that has my andy lau and tony leung in it),had more emotion elements in it..whenever i watch the infernal affair,there are certain parts that will make me tearful, but somehow i just didn’t have that feeling when i watched the departed…no doubt that the actors acted sooooo well in the movie but probably the scenario that was portrayed in infernal affair does not really fit in the ‘western’ society…

if we watch the infernal affair, we can see the strength of the bond between tony leung and anthony wong..we can really appreciate their relationship(like father and son)..in the departed, they tried to show the bonding between martin sheen and leonardo in one scene of the movie which was when leo came to his house to give information..however i think it’s just not enough..

and the ending of the departed..i really did not like the flow..it was supposed to be sad and touching however somehow it turned out to be hilarious..everyone was laughing when the cast members were shooting each other one after another..even though we see the same thing in infernal affair,but it was supported by good background music and some pause of that moment that made me completely immersed in the ‘feel’ of the movie…and one more thing..i feel more attached to the characters in the infernal affair than to those in the departed..

but,like i said earlier..my opinion might be biased towards the infernal affair as it was the original movie..probably i’ve set my expectation too high and i reckon that i actually wanted the movie to be exactly the same..because i want to see whether the actors in the departed would be able to perform as good as my favourite chinese actors…

in general..i don’t know whether to recommend the movie or not..to those who haven’t watched the infernal affair probably it will be a very good movie to watch..but to those who have watched the infernal affair,i can be about 70% sure that you wouldn’t like it that much…

whatever it is…leo dicaprio..he’s sooooooooo damn hot….i’ve always admired his acting..if we just ignore his boyish voice,we can see that he’s actually a good actor…matt damon..i still remember him being the’blur’ guy in ocean’s 11 and 12..so..looking at him made me wanna laugh..and mark wahlberg..i’ve always liked him in the italian job and planet of the apes..but i think his character was a bit too much..he was like a guy that was having ‘pre-menstrual syndrome’ 24/7…

anyway..INFERNAL AFFAIR VS. THE DEPARTED   the result   1 - 0…